Handling Criticism and the Internet
It is possible to have a fair share of you sharing the opinions of your loved ones. Maybe it sounds like this:
"Oh, you still have breastfeeding? "
"Not you just eat the baby? She's not hungry anymore. "
"When are you going to stop breastfeeding? Well, you'll stop when she can ask, right?"
"When will you feed the baby real food? "
"Have you ever started a formula?"
"Is the baby sleeping tonight?"
"Why don't you pump and let me give you a baby bottle so you can rest?"
We love our family and friends and we know they mean well, but MAN is an annoying comment. Not only are they annoying, they have the ability to cut you to the core and threaten everything you do ... wait, do they? No, no, they don't. It's just feel it That way. Because words are just words and what we let them do to us is our choice.
Most of these comments are of good faith and from the point of ignorance (bless their hearts).
For example, your aunt, who has never had a child of her own and knows nothing about a baby sitting next to you on the couch as you toss your humps and locks your four months. First, your aunt is uncomfortable because she only looks at your nipples. She moved in her chair a little, but didn't get up because she didn't want to be rude. She felt the need to make small talk to break the gap she was feeling, so she said the first thing that came to her head: "Oh! still have sucking ?! "
Now, he might have some of these ways. He might mean, "good for you, you're still breastfeeding." Or she might mean, "most women I know fail to breastfeed, so it's amazing that it works for you." Or, he probably doesn't mean anything, he just talks a lot and needs some kind of conversation to fill the airspace.
But when your aunt says that, all you hear is,
"EEEEW! The baby WAS too old to breastfeed! I can't believe you still do (with dissatisfaction) that. "
Now, maybe that's the point, but maybe not. So, why would you interpret it that way?
This is the point. You need rubber (You know, I rubber you?)
Words cannot hurt you. Words do not have to make you question everything. That's a choice you can make.
BREATHE. Take a deep breath. It's time you practiced. Get some oxygen first so you won't be disappointed with your aunt.
Intro: Ask yourself, what emotion does this comment bring me? Why does this make me feel so __________? (angry, selfish, suicidal)
Truth: DO I KNOW WHAT?
Gather love: Think that comment comes from a place of love. Breathe in that love. Shut up again
Help them understand: React with love.
So, the response to your aunt looks like this:
"Oh! still have sucking ?! "
Brest- (think, don't say) "Oh hell no, he does NOT just say that .. DEEP FOR THIS He has no children! What does he know .. DEEP BREATH OUT How should I feed my baby, she's four months old, but I need this. Let me stop and think about it for a while, so I'm not yelling at this crazy old lady right now.
I amntrospection- What do I feel? I feel judged. I feel like my aunt told me I was doing something wrong by breastfeeding my four-month-old baby. This makes me question everything I know about breastfeeding. Does everyone think I shouldn't breastfeed? Why does this make me feel self-conscious?
TRuth - I know I'm doing my best for my baby by breastfeeding now. It was the perfect meal and he didn't need anything else.
CKnowing Love - This crazy old bat just loves me and loves my baby. He wants what's best for us, he doesn't know how to express it. I will breathe in that love. EXTREMELY EASY IN. I will breathe in that mercy. EXTREMELY EASY IN. I'll breathe easy now so that I can respond to her with love.
Help they understand- I will respond with love.
"Yes, that's not wonderful. I worked hard to get to this point and I'm very proud of her. They say breastfeeding is best for her, so I give her my best!"
Then, there's the internet ...
The Internet is a dangerous place for breastfeeding mothers. It is filled with 98% crap and 2% good advice. Unfortunately, almost nothing is organized. (Ironically what you read on the internet is not lost on me ... I like to think I'm at 2%).
About:
Does it apply to you? I mean, is this written for a breastfeeding mom like you with a regular milk supply or is it written for someone with a low milk supply? Don't make the mistake of thinking that it was written for you and made it happen. (Do I have a low milk supply ??)
Professional:
Who wrote this? Because last time I checked, any schmo could post on the interweb. Is it written by a Registered Nurse? IBCLC? A mother of 3? A doctor? A doctor who works with Enfamil?
Opinions:
Is there any evidence or facts based on this fact? If so, do you believe this person's opinion? Why not?
Here is an eye opener, most breastfeeding information is too long based on facts and too much to focus on. This is because there is only so much breastfeeding research out there because of limited funding and the lack of ability to calculate something so individual. A heavy emphasis on this opinion is not necessarily a bad thing. Most of what I say is my opinion, right? The important thing to ask yourself is whether you trust this person's opinion? Do they have credibility? What are their views based on?
My views are based on my medical knowledge as a Registered Nurse, my eligibility for IBCLC, 10 years of breastfeeding assistance, 5 years of private consulting, 5,000+ breastfeeding watches, 500+ leading support group times, 500+ hours of nursing teaching classes, pumping, solid start and newborn care and 33 months of breastfeeding.
Do I have your trust? Well, before you swallow what I say hooks, lines and sinkers, first make your own judgment — does it make sense?
Fair:
Internet articles can be useful to you, professionals and opinions based on reliable sources, but the most important thing to ask yourself is, "can I do it realistically?" Does that make sense?
For example. If you have been diagnosed with tornado Candidiasis (aka grass or yeast), you will find a number of websites that give you advice on what you should or should not do to combat this problem.
Remove sugar from your diet! Wash everything in vinegar! Eat more yogurt! Take probiotics! Apply Grapefruitseed extract to the nipple! Wash all your clothes with Grapefruit Seed Extract! Use Violet Fiber on your nipples and in your baby's mouth! Warm up after every use!
Seriously? Remove sugar from your diet? Have you met a new mom? He was fortunate enough to eat and yet did the necessary work to learn how to get sugar from his diet.
All of these techniques have merit, but I use a little of none of them when I work with yeast. Why not? Because they are unreasonable, time consuming, stressful and probably unnecessary.
If that doesn't make sense or seems like HOW it works, don't follow Google's orders.
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