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Haunted: Burying The Ghosts Of Lost Love

At night, when you read silently, before you fall asleep ...

During a busy afternoon as you walk through the crowd, rush back to your office or home ....

Sitting in a movie theater, restaurant, or waiting for the light to turn on ...

Sudden thoughts or images rise within you. It can come as a small dull feeling or as a wave of emotion that threatens to flood and drown you in the sadness of memory. Whether it's obvious; here comes his ghost again.

For those who are haunted by past relationships, instinctive reactions often run away from these feelings or pretend they are not there. It's also not uncommon to react by setting your system on "anger mode" and seeing everything and everyone in a negative light. Closing out all the ability to handle even the simple routine of everyday life is another response, and one that marks depression. This needs to be addressed quickly, as it can leave a trail of destruction along the way.

This defense mechanism is used as a way to overcome and "get through it today." However, when this impression is prolonged and matured, we may be trapped in a sad process of loss. This is where ghosts come in.

All the loss, especially the absence of someone we are close to, results in sadness, anger, rejection, fear, depression and guilt. This feeling is normal. However, how we respond to them will make a difference in how well we recover and move on to a new and healthy life.

To work through your grief and finally put these ghosts to rest, you may need help with important and sad things. Here are the basics to get you started.

Things to do:

Acknowledge Feelings

Disclaimer can provide a very short way to counteract the loss, but it will summarize the damaging bottlenecks that need to find a healthy channel for expression.

Letting yourself feel, helps you understand that your feelings are normal and that you are not "crazy" or alone. It also paves the way for learning how to address and move toward positive solutions. Over time you will learn that feeling will not kill you, and you will be strong and able to deal with it and move on.

Express anger is safe and productive

Fear of our anger is normal. This is why we have so much difficulty communicating it to others. We treat it with power that is beyond our control and something that can only be damaged.

So, we're all in it. Pressure builds and we explode, and out comes the "monster of anger"; creating our own inability to deal with anger when it is at a lower level and easier to manage.

There is a safe way to express this feeling. Crying, talking to friends, writing feelings and even engaging in a physically demanding workforce is a healthy way to vent your anger.

Note Yourself

This seems to be one of the things we miss most when we lose a strike. Not caring about basic needs is one of the sad faces. It can also be a sign of dangerous depression. Therefore, it should be a priority.

Basic needs are what usually require attention. These include: getting enough sleep, eating properly, maintaining a minimal household and financial responsibilities and attention to makeup.

In addition, exercise not only provides a great outlet for stress, it has been proven in clinical trials to be effective in reducing depression in a large number of people. Regular exercise can also help those who have difficulty sleeping and increase their self-esteem.

Building and Strengthening Social Support

A strong social support system is always important. During times of extreme failure, it is important for recovery.

Do you have good friends and support? Do they have the time and energy that can be offered to them in times of sorrow?

What about religion? A church, temple or other community of believers?

Do you have the good support of any family member?

What about the organizations for which you have participated and invested your time and energy? Can they give you something?

Here are some supports you can do. Make sure you plan well for the weekends, holidays and other important days. Let people know that you want to get together and that you want to get out regularly and stay active and engaged. This allows others to offer their support and remember to include you in group activities, etc.

Give Your Time

Getting more people you love takes time. It's a process. It doesn't take "forever." You will move and recover. But beware of the often expressed "I don't know what's wrong with me, it's been months and I still haven't done it."

The SEEM months are like forever, but you know it's a relatively short period of time. You have to give yourself that time or take a strong risk of getting stuck (maybe years) in the midst of sadness.

Set Realistic Goals

This is a time to prioritize and decide what you most want and need and to make realistic plans to achieve it.

Goals will keep you focused and on the right track. They will provide a compass as you navigate your journey to new life. They will help you achieve success and increase your self-esteem. This achievement will help you feel strong and able to start a new life.

Things to Avoid

When dealing with grief and loss, we need to be careful not to react in a way that doesn't work. Some classic examples of poor behavior include:

excess alcohol

illegal drug use

ignore any serious signs of depression

sexual acts

financial negligence

ignore basic security and put yourself at risk

It is all the result of low self-esteem, guilt and despair. With good support and the use of healthy ways to express your feelings, you are at risk of using this harmful behavior.

Remember, we must be willing to accept sadness as a price that may be experienced in love. Many, many people have gone through a process of loss and despair and come out strong, full and ready for a new life. Throughout the journey, they often get to know themselves better and understand what they most need and want from their relationship. Armed with this new experience and knowledge, they are ready to form new, healthy and lasting relationships.


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