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The Difference Between Irresponsible and Responsible Exercises of Parental Authority

For six years I evaluated the needs of adult mental health care trapped in a doorway to the New York State criminal justice system. In compiling the history of these clients, I talk to their parents when the opportunity arises. What is common during this interview is that these parents argue ignorance about how events in their family life affect their children. Obviously, these parents either want and / or cannot predict and build bridges for the rich inner world. This is why parents remain chronically losing their children's emotional history. This interview taught me how to teach parents how to lose control of their children when they are old enough to survive outside the home. The desire to please their parents to receive the precious care was erased early. Their children may have given them lip service but, for all intents and purposes by the age of 14 or older, most of these children stopped listening to their parents at all. At that time, as they might see it, they will not lose anything. Victims of bribery and abuse of the parents are urgently demanding compensation from an unsuspecting society that will pay dearly for what these children feel. People do not behave in a respectful way as adults when they feed unkind food as a child.

As previously stated, the rejection and / or abuse of parental authority is an incubator for the development of antisocial features. The antidote to the behavioral virus of these characteristics is the parenting philosophy that is built on the basis of good power. Good authorities will be included in action as a consistent and ongoing dialogue with our children where we actively listen and explain what we hear, reflecting on our understanding of what we hear and acting respectfully in our role as leaders and teachers. In this way, our respect and love for our children as separate people comes out loud and clear. Collectively, these interpersonal skills form a diplomatic initiative that opens negotiations for the cooperation of our children through motivational strategies designed to acquire them with our vision to raise them. "We" remain responsible no matter how humble we are of the title, "boss."

This interactive and dynamic process requires flexible vision. It is rooted in forming alliances so that we can use our influence to leverage the agreement. In fact, it is as democratic as the US Government in their foreign policy negotiations with third world countries that rely on our foreign aid to safeguard their sovereignty. Good parents do not differ from good superpowers, speak softly and carry "big carrots." Exhibiting superior strength is the same as hitting a lowly enemy in a guerrilla conflict. As parents we want our children's allies, not enemies. Once we turn parenting into a battle of wills we can win some battles, but we will eventually lose the war with its negative effects.

It is my opinion that we as parents must share the power with our children without denying the right to make the final decision. This is achieved in the context of relationships that respect our children's need for self-respect and dignity. If we treat our children as subjects rather than objects, we will be given the role of co-creators and editors of our children's storylines when they are creative. To be kept out of the loop so to speak and to lead this continues as teenagers setting the stage for our children to be lost on the streets. I've heard many times from customers in a million different ways: "No one has the right to tell me what to do!"

In order to exercise good power, it is important to object to the child's resistance to the parental authority as an attempt to self-definition rather than a referendum on the honor of parenting. If you are over 40 and / or raised in a foreign culture, it's easy to know that "good kids" are seen and heard only when they are treated and, to consider their behavior as "bad" or "defective."

Single parents tend to be most prone to misinterpreting such reactions more often than not working, being ignored, and unappreciated. If you are a single parent and take the time and energy devoted to raising your children then, "I don't have the time to take care of my needs, not the bumper sticker you can afford to decorate your car, so it's to blame your kids because of the self-inflicted wounds you were experiencing when they were growing up and age-appropriate, they didn't mind, demanding ingrates. It was never their job to take care of you even if they were the least willing and able to do it.

My parenting philosophy, borrowed from many sources, is based on teaching children to feel entitled to ask and consult their needs, to know that satisfying their needs may require patience, perseverance and ingenuity. When we fail to take care of ourselves enough, we should not be too upset to hear our children ask for the sky, and then, it is unrealistic that we praise them for doing so. We all know how embarrassed and guilty our kids are but still, this is our victory and they pay on the road. It's hard to take kids to places we've never been. Therefore, making it a priority to learn to take care of your needs so that you can find the courage to resist constructively against their opposition to unpopular but important decisions that you know from experience are in their best interest.

The following are examples of conditions that shape the process by which single parents are often at the mercy of losing their children to empathy. Joan Taylor is about to hit the ice with her children because her fatigue breaks down and her insecurity causes her to slow down emotionally. Joan briefly recalls the moment when the child was injured by the failure of her parents' empathy. He was motivated by aggressive demands for compensation and used self-rationalization to counter the judgment gathered last year. In this emotional space Joan's children become unintentional and unwilling actors on the stage of Joan's moral play. Missing into Joan's own emotional blindness both abdicates and abuses her parents' powers. His children are real victims and react accordingly.

This is an inevitable ordinary occurrence. The frequency with which they experience is our level of courage and emotional commitment to our children. It is also a measure of our ability to know how our past haunts us, to make changes to reduce our vulnerability to such memories and to grow beyond their injuries. Kids are very competitive. How we address such challenges to grow in our emotional intelligence will affect our children one way or another in the long run.

In the example below the results can be predicted. As events unfold within Joan that shape her regrets, please note the opportunity for Joan to slowly regain her parental power. Let's see what happens

It is a long weekend of three days. Joan Taylor, a single mother of two, Amy 9 and 6-year-old Jason felt like putting on a plate of towels she held as a last-ditch meal and putting in the dryer. The children parked in front of the television and Joan unanimously told herself that the bowl towel had extended from her right arm to the weekend with the children. Joan glanced at herself and for a moment pondered why she had so strongly pushed herself not to wash every last meal after every meal before moving on to her next activity. She hates her own inability.

This is a painful moment for Joan. The dictatorial relationship of Joan to herself was not accidental because both of her parents were somewhat responsible. She is jealous and hates her children relaxing in front of a television set, unintentionally misunderstood by their own serenity for unwanted work. They are children who are still growing in their capacity to maintain and adhere to the direction and lack of strategies adults use to compensate for temporary memory loss.

Joan's fatigue, understood by her role as a single mother, is heightened when fatigue strikes her. She becomes full of guilt and self-blame in response to feeling overwhelmed by the need for her children's dependence. Joan maintains her identity as a "good mother" requires a sense of energy that she cannot muster in order to disprove the absurd belief that she beats herself in the head. The level was set for him to play the "blame game" because it was too painful for him to admit that he was the author of his own suffering. All Joan needs now is a reason to complete her transformation from a responsible parent to a child-centered, victim-centered child.

This process was completely unseen by the tired children who were zoned to watch television and were unaware that Dr. The new Jekyll appeared to their mother for Mr. Hyde's transformation.

Meanwhile, at the request of their mother they did not pack their luggage or clean their rooms in preparation for returning home for their school week. Joan's vision is that she is reviving something that can cause problems to evaporate quickly. Instead of calling her back to her bedroom to reflect and process what's going on inside her, Joan's own anger becomes a moral justification for identifying with her estranged father and giving her children a dose of medicine. Joan does not know what is driving her at this time and does not want to know because she wants to satisfy her guilty desire and does not allow her to do so if she stops long enough for what is driving her. Joan will pay for it soon because her childhood regression will leave her depressed all night after the children leave.

Joan jumps into Amy and Jason's bedroom after an inappropriate knock and demands that they turn off the television and pack their bags. Joan's emotional blindness led to her misunderstanding that her son's decency meant that they did not respect him. In fact, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy just because of the disrespectful way he approached his children. These children are not like their mothers who feel guilty about acknowledging what they consider to be unpleasant thoughts and feelings, are very comfortable in themselves and ask at the same time with clear concern: "Why are you so mean? nothing Can't we watch the end of the show, it's been almost 15 minutes? "Joan was furious at herself because she knew they were right and her actions reflected that she was still fighting the ghost of her children's parents.

For Joan, Amy and Jason remain confused in her head with her parents whom she still considers innocent and, at the same time passive; leaving his feelings with personal responsibility and shame and guilt for rejecting personal responsibility as it is now. Joan had an unrealistic expectation that her children would volunteer to help her get ready. They may have, but Joan is still responsible for their wise cooperation, consideration, power and diplomacy. Joan made sure that they behaved in a nice way to her because she wanted them to help her replicate the interactions between her and her parents for decades.

At first, Amy and Jason refused to move and did their job. What we are seeing here is the equivalent of domestic management and horns locking workers at the bargain table. Later, Joan began to scream and use fear and intimidation to force her son to submit. This is an empty triumph as Joan's model certainly does not want her children to learn in relation to themselves and others. In addition, Amy and Jason are temporarily left behind because Joan loses empathy with her children. Their safety and security are ignored.

The moral of the story is that most of our children's disobedience is avoided. The buck must stop with us. It is our responsibility to respect our respect, to treat our children with respect and consideration for their dependencies, their learning style, their strengths and weaknesses, their talents, and to be sensitive and responsive to their difficulties in working in crisis or simply emphasized on their own grind every day. We should be comfortable with politely asking what we want from them, making realistic and realistic requests that we can explain, listening to their responses, negotiating as many fun solutions as possible and, enforcing decisions with solid solutions, compassion and kindness when negotiation loss. If we do, we will perform the services that are most important to ourselves, the children and the people; to lead a generation of leaders equipped to tackle the world's biggest social problems. Enjoy this most important and meaningful mission.



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